6 years old on a monday night, 1963...

the vibration of his voice
tells all there is in that universe

when i was a kid
waiting for mom
to come home
from
bowling

in the odd quiet
of the house
except
for
his ham radios
squawking
from the basement

near 9 o' clock
i would be listening
hard
for the sound
of our car

the engine slowing
for the turn
in

the sound of
the tires
pushing aside
each pebble
in the graveled driveway...

my sister
& i listened
hard

like a dog
chained
outside
a supermarket
for his masters voice

safety

this meant my
savior
was home...

though 40 years
have passed
since
then

that sound
and the feeling of glee
and light returning
through the darkness

as the door burst open
with her first steps
on our hardwood floors
the mixed
smell of her
sweet perfume
and deep ruby red
lip stick
and cigarette smoke
filled the air suddenly
and wafted up the stairs
to my room

the tv
went on first
bringing the life
of the world back into
our world...

all the strange strained
voices, lights, and color
bouncing off the walls
of the stairway
and finally the ceiling
over my bed...

the dog sleeping
on the end
by my toes...

all was finally right again
with my world...

until
i wet
the bed...

and the shame
cold and wet
took over...

or

i
woke
in the darkness
to see all those
multi-colored
creatures coming at me
trying to get me

those angels
and the dark creatures
fighting over me

as i
terrified
dive under the covers
tucking in the sides
so they can't reach up
from underneath

falling
asleep again
holding the covers
over my head
with both clenched hands
as if my life
depended on it
because

it
did

latest discoveryz

ok...geeks gather 'round
even you in geek denial...
just for a moment
let your inner geek out ...
here's the universe we live in for you:

...if you divide
12 into 360 you get 30...
10 into 360...you get 36...
now see the pattern 12 ...30....10...36...

so guess what 11 into 360 is without looking...
now you would think 33...
right?...
wrong!!!

360 divided by 11 is:
32.727272727272727
2727272727272727272
72772727272772727272
7727272727277272727272
72
to infinity...

welcome home...

...jus' a lil'sompin somthin'...?

“…last time I was back home I heard this story

that was supposedly in the Cape Cod Times
a few weeks before I got there that summer…

way down Cape…
they found the footprints of an old woman
leading down to the water
from her cane she’d left standing…
decidedly stuck in the sand…
of the National Seashore…

the picture of an old
soul finished here in this body…
swimming out past the break…
swimming for the deep…
swimming passed the past…
swimming for the old body to give out…
swimming to choose the day
& the hour rather than wait for death…
to go meet it…tempt it…toy with it…dare it…
to cheat death of the satisfaction
of taking away something precious
one might not be ready to part with…
while others right now may or may not be clinging onto…
grasping onto any thin hope to prolong life…
to stave off the inevitable visit of ones end…
bargaining with god…
promising in fear…
fingernail clawing for any shred of life
kicking & screaming for more
life
more
light
more
breath…

…to swim out to sea
rather than remain
an old woman in America...

...to swim out through the cold chill waters
‘til the numbness comes over your skull
& your heart
rather than remain an old woman on earth
just after the turn of the Millennium…”

sign...?

so i'm driving back from the valley
a meeting with my licensing Agent
where we've been talking about plans for
THE SACRED GEOMETRY PAINTINGS
traveling exhibitions [along the lines of "ashes & snow"]
& permanent exhibition space;
my new world flag;
the SACRED GEOMETRY TSHIRT line
& even developing my name
DAVID ALEXANDER ENGLISH
as a brand to further promote the work
so it all has a life of it's own beyond me...

i was driving up Topanga Canyon Road
from the valley to the beach
& as i reached the top of the road
the point just before:
"...it's all down hill from here..."

there in the middle of my lane
i see a glimmer of big
flapping
wings...

& my first thought is
"oh no... i hope it's not a bird that's been hit..."
& as i pass out of the direct sunlight
& into the shadow of the hilltop
i can see

& come to a complete stop...
look in the mirror at the whole line of cars behind me
but what can you do...

there right in front of me
is a hawk
that's caught
a snake
in it's claw...

the snake is still alive
but not for long...

the hawk pauses
to make sure of my intentions
in coming to a stop

otherwise it would have to flee
leaving the snake

but when it sees
that i will wait
it gets a better grasp of the snake
& flies a short distance out of the roadway...

hawk medicine
is the messenger of change



serpent
is the 2nd phase of the Scorpionic archetype
of the sorcerer...
scorpio/pluto/ & the 8th house:
divine communion
through sex,
death, transformation & rebirth
hidden knowledge, shared resources,
power, immortality,
reveling in the Great Mystery
& sharing out it's secrets...



the 3rd phase is the Eagle...
the 4th is the Phoenix...

i found myself
whooping...

god's hackysack...?

"…met a young man with a backpack & a bedroll today on the boardwalk who had just got into town from Tucson…his face literally looked like it had been flattened or even pushed in…his nose was flattened with no cartilage pushing it out…we struck up a conversation…we ended up laughing for a good 15 minutes so hard my sides hurt…he said his jaw was a $50,000 jaw…it was made from a bone in his calf…when I asked him what happened he said he had tried to shoot himself…he said he usually makes something up… …he then showed me another scare around his adam’s apple where he’d accidently shot himself in the throat…he said it was from a bullet that ricocheted directly right back at him on a shooting range…this was after trying to kill himself the first time…all the while he’s telling me this stuff we’re laughing…he then tells me he’s been in 17 car accidents…I said, "you’ll forgive me if I don’t ride with you…" I asked how long he had been in town he said 2 days…he had been living at this brothers fancy house in Tucson who had two kids...then that brother had gotten caught stealing a laptop...he said he felt then that he had to leave because he wasn’t a thief & didn’t want to be connected to all that...he had just come from doing two stand-up comedy shows at the Comedy Store…he said he’d done well the first time but had bombed the 2nd because he was fullof himself from doing well the first time & had been drinking...he was real excited because he’d gotten Pauly Shore’s autograph...I noticed he also had a funky left arm…I was trying to figure out how that got in on the shooting …he said the arm was a birth defect…he said sometimes he feels like god’s hackysack…amen…"

the bee e zzzzz zz z zzz zz z zzzzz zzz z

more tales of venice beach

last summer
mid august
there were a lot of people
on the boardwalk for 9:15
on this beautiful saturday morning
i was just setting up my artwork
when suddenly this loose cloud of bees
the survivors from the fire dept.
spraying them out of a palm tree
on the bike path near the public bathrooms
the afternoon before
came buzzing around & round
in the middle of the boardwalk
people stopped to watch what was happening
a small crowd was soon gathered
everyone talking at once
about their theory or their trauma
chattering in ever increasing concern
& wonderment
like kids let out on a snowday...

as the bees sought to coalesce somewhere
an agitated scattered cloud
looking for a place to land...

i had a feeling they were honey bees
not that i'm an expert
i closed my eyes
began to chant under my breath
the "..hu..." mantra
[ pronounced just like the word ".. hue..",
i'm told it means: the light & sound of god]
i've found this tends to make most situations
resolve for the better
i pictured in my mind
where would be the best place
for the bees to form a new hive
away from all the people
that might remain undisturbed in the neighborhood
immediately i saw a place under these big old trees
on the unused corner of the dog park about a block away...

i open my eyes and see
the cloud of bees that had been working its way
from north to south down the boardwalk
had begun to land on the base of the palm tree
right next to my bike 10 feet away from me
and on an old wooden chair someone had left there
only since yesterday
as i'd seen it here & there
around the beach for the past few weeks
and now was fast becoming
the new home of a couple hundred bees
who i reasoned had probably lost their queen
to the fire dept. raid the day before
now needed to coalesce & create a new queen
to rebuild the hive...

while the energy of the bees was that of a heightened
agitation but not threatening
the reactions of all the people around
went from very distressed to panic
to wonderment and curiosity
'cuz you just don't see much wild life
but seagulls & pigeons round these parts...

it occurred to me
that when enough of the bees landed on the chair
that one could move the chair
& i said this to one of the other folks standing around
he said," you should do that .."
just the right encouragement
so i walked over in the midst
of all the humans hubbubbing
& slowly picked up the chair
with a couple hundred people watching
but instead of following my first vision
i just slowly walked it the thirty paces
to the top of the little hill there
& set it down thinking at least its off the boardwalk
& now the city of los angeles,
city of eighteen million people must surely
have some beekeeper people to come deal with stuff like this...

a little while later the fire dept. came with their big truck
they looked like boys from the playground
called to help get a cat out of a tree
a funny situation needing to be dealt with competently
i walked over to find out what they planned to do
i introduced myself as the person
who move the chair to the top of the hill
they said they wouldn't do anything but wait for
vector control [?]to arrive
i assumed vector control was the city bee keeper people
but a few moments latter
they asked me to move my stuff
it turned out so they could
back their engine into my space
to get get closer to the hill
turns out the commander of the fire engine decided
so they wouldn't have to be called again to deal with this
they would try to spray the bees on the chair
with this foam that would make it hard
for them to fly & they would die they said
so the big burly firemen hosed down the chair
knocking it over & leaving a big pile of foam in the grass
to melt away in the sun...

after they leave the parks & recs people
come & put three big green
55 gallon barrel garbage cans
in a wide triangle around the scene
of the bee massacre by foam
& rope it off with that yellow
police barrier caution tape..

& i feel like yuk
an accomplice
i wished that i had followed my first vision

then a few moments latter
a second chance:

when the parks & rec people deployed the garbage cans
they'd put them facing down
so no one could use then i guess
the bees that had still been airborne
when the massacre took place
had now coalesced on what i guessed
was some sugar left by dried soda or candy
on the side of the can set closest to the boardwalk

there were enough of them to be called a swarm
but their swarm covered over
the yellow police tape
i walked up there
carefully broke the police tape
in two places & tied a knot
while maintaining tension on it
so as not to disturb the remaining bees...

then i picked up the garbage can over my head
& slowly walked it down the hill
one block north on the boardwalk
then one block up towards the dogpark
i chanced to happen upon a friend
as i was walking up the middle of the street
carrying the can over my head
he looked at me kind strange
asked what are you doing
the bees were so quiet
i couldn't tell if they were still there
so i ask him
"..is there a whole lot of bees on the top of the garbage can.."
he takes a look
& kind of stunned says yeah...

i come to the top of the street
wait for the light to change
walk the can across the street to
the shaded canopy of the old trees
in a corner of the park
away from the dogs fenced in area
then set the can down ...

i went back to my stuff
continued setting up for the day
& heard more than one person mumble
something about "..the bee whisperer..."

now we come to the interesting part:

a little while later
bees started buzzing around
the base of that palm tree near my bike
& where the chair had been before i moved it
i guessed they we attracted by the remnants of
pheromones the hive had begun to put out
to tell them all to land on the chair initially
i guessed these latecomer bees
probably missed the drama of the massacre
& the move to the dogpark
& so i pictured a path of light & pheromones
leading from the spot at the base of the palm tree
to the garbage can i left in the dogpark
for them to find their way home...

well one of these bees flew right at my face
right between my eyes
in that instant i pictured the golden ribbon of light
leading to the rest of the hive in the dogpark
& the bee flew strait in that direction
literally making a beeline...

for the rest of the day
i repeated this visualization
whenever i saw bees buzzing around
the base of that palm
& they appeared to head off
in the direction of the dogpark...

few days latter i went up on the hill
& saw all the dead bee carcases
decaying into the grass...

a few days ago i went to do my daily headstand
in a patch of blooming clover
near the site of the incident
& there was a bee that looked like the same variety
harvesting clover nectar...

yesterday i drove by the dogpark
& that green garbage can is still there
a few yards from where i'd left it...

another day on venice beach

today was a beautiful fall day on venice boardwalk
i was painting a peice in gold & blue
inspired by one of this past summers cropcircles...

a customer came up and was checking out the work
we started talking about art and astrology
just then i looked past her
& saw this short overweight man in his mid to late 50's
homeless
who i've seen over the past few months
shuffling along with a little backpack with all these little bags dangling off it
mummbling to himself usually real agro
and occasionally yelling real agressive angry things
at no one physically present..
at this moment though i notice he turned
yelled real angry to no one something like:
"..oh yeah bitch, take that.."
and in just 2 seconds
cut his left forearm from just below the elbow
down to his wrist 3 or 4 times with an orange boxcutter
then turned back around & kept wandering south
now staring at the blood flowing down his arm
as though he'd just discovered a real unusual bug had just landed there

i'm thinking that is way gonna hurt
he must have just sliced through veins & arteries
costly wound to heal on the street

i took out my phone & called 911
told the operator the story stressing the need for a police response
when she put me on with the paramedic dispatch
meanwhile the man had started wandering back north up the boardwalk
& when he got so far i couldn't easily see him
i began to follow while i'm talking on the phone
giving description & location
to them both twice then we hang up
he by now had wandered almost 3 blocks north of the incident
listening to his little hand held radio,
mummbling and woddling along
a little to the left a little to the right
the small bags dangling swinging to his woddle
as i trailed him from a block away i kept looking back south on the boardwalk
in the direction of the police substation to see if the police cruiser
i'd seen there earlier had begun to respond
suddenly i saw a police pick-up drive up to the boardwalk from off the beach
about a block south of me & ran back towards them as my phone vibrated in my pocket
just then a police heliocopter arrives overhead
i answer & its the 911 operator asking my location
just then i approached the police unit
i tell them the story details & description
while i can hear them relaying the description to the heliocopter
i say i can just point him out to you
he's a few blocks away now
áfter making sure the description gets communicated
they say o.k and load up
i start running north up the boardwalk
and see the emt has arrived & is waiting
and at every cross street for the next 3 blocks
there is a police car just now turning onto the boardwalk
& the heliocopter noisily overhead slowly moving north
and im running looking for the little man with the bleeding arm
& little bags dangling...

and there he is
turning around to face 3 police cars
as i see the officer i first spoke with
drawing a taser in a semi crouch
a block ahead of me...

walking back to my setup
couple local people ask me what happened
guess they're not used to seeing me
running in my flipflops down the boardwalk
passing joggers
while talking on my cellphone
i notice there's a message on my voice mail
from 911 asking for help locating the brother

when i get back to where i have all my paintings displayed
i'm pleased to see the young woman is still checking out the work
we carry on with the astrology conversation...

couple hours latter as i'm packing up
i get a call from the l.a.p.d. nutcase unit
asking for particulars
we had a good chat
i said i was surprised at the response with the heliocopter
& all the cops
but i guessed that since 9/11
you say "boxcutter" and it tends to get peoples attention
we both laughed the funny but not so funny laugh
glad there are people trained to deal with this stuff
they had him under observation
his arm had been treated
but he said they were gonna have a closer look in a little while
they were waiting for any background psyche records on the brother
we said thanks & wished one another well...

stardate:7.13.06 bloulder, colorado

just came out of the bush
camping at the national annual rainbow gathering
north of steamboat springs colorado
the rumor is
next years national will be washington state...
spent a whole day at strawberry hotsprings cleansing
stopped here in boulder to update my computerworld
just got directions to the european gathering in
yorkshire, england
which starts on the next new moon
& purchased my ticket to the 10,000 lakes festival
in detroit lakes, mn next week 19th-23rd
heard the woods hole film festival starts at the end of the month
so...

stardate 6.14.2006 middletown, ca: quik update

starting davidzsummertour
the blue vw bus rides again
sounding more like a vw should than ever before
thanks to vwjack my personal vwbuddha
[who in classic buddha style
has asked to remain annonomous becuz he
already has more work than he knows what to do with]

over last weekend exhibited at the health & harmony festival
in santa rosa, ca
featured my new 20"x 24" giclee reproductions on canvas
will soon be offering these on my site as well...

recooperated at harbin hotsprings
the past 2 days ..more rest before more road..

just found out where the rainbow gathering
in colorado is going to be
north of steamboat springs
for directions..check; http//:www.welcomehome.org

left l.a. with a 77minute recording of
"the song of my soul " on cd
and combined this original piano composition
which uses only the black keys
with some 720 images of my paintings
from "the book of mirrors"
will be releasing
"the song of my soul" 1.o dvd
as the first volume of dvds
drawn from
"the book of mirrors " digital database

made up of digital photos of the over 1200 raw canvas
paintings i've completed over the past 18 years
compiling this database has been an ongoing project
since aquiring a canon 10d 2 years ago
and is now nearing completion as well...
in addition the database includes nearly 10,000
digital photographs that i so look forward to publishing in
dvd formats as well as in the book projects to be shared later

anyway lots of goodyz cookin'

cleansing

life is a house of cards
it seems
each thought
is a card
we weave
into
our personal palace
of illusion . .

built

on the solid foundation

of the cardtable we call

the world
so easily tipped
over
by a gentle
breeze
of change
caused by

the fortunate

inevitable intrusion

in our illusion
of ultimate reality

absolute truth

not what we think
but what infinitely is...

such things come to mind

when one takes ones world apart

or
just watch it all come apart

by itself

in the course

of opening oneslf to a cleansing experience

the discipline of dissolution..

realizing the true context

of all things

is the first step

in recontextualizing ones life

?

or not

go figure...

so
this is weird
yesterday
i'm set up
on venice boardwalk
next to this fellow
named
are jaye
he turns out to be a magician
selling & demonstrating
magic tricks

come to find out
thru conversatin'
he's a carny
he's family were
& remain carnival owners

but the weird part

is

in 1962

fresh out of the army

he heard from a midget

they were paying $60

for an audition

as a clown

he went

mainly cuz' of the cash

turned out

he got the job

working for ray crock

as the first

ronald macdonald....

?

what's one to make of this..?

was driving on the road earlier tonight

thru santa monica, ca

in the old vw bus

on the way to the art supply store

pulled up to a stop light

looked over into the car to my left

& there was the driver

behind the wheel

playing the guitar

with both hands...

& as the light turned green

he started to pull ahead

never taking either hands from

the strings...

it was a black prius hybrid

?

saving

the world

?

a point at which

your whole life

appears

a work of art

in progress

?

does it even matter

whether there is any one

or anyone else

appreciating such a lifes' work...

?

interesting timez

so ok
once upon a time
this
huge ball of gas
spun around
in infinite space
for a while
while
this
wet
ball
of a world
spun around
& around
it
while
gazillionz
of species came & went
for gazillionz
of yearz
& one
of those species
learned how to type
these wordz
for a bit
while thinking
we would go on & on & on...
there have been homo sapiens
for only the last 300,000 years..
while dinosaurs existed for 250million years
only until 65million years ago
when it appears they went extinct
when a comet hit the earth..
according to scientist this was merely one
of some 5 or 6 mass extinction
of most of the species on earth...
& we are in the midst of one now
that has been going on for several centuries
since even before the industrial age..
it occurred to me the other day
that most folks think the world is just
gonna go on & on forever..
that the planet will keep looking like it does
that the cityz & townz of the world
will go on & on
continue being "real estate"
in the mindz on the many money minded folks..
yet
in 5000 years will there be a country
we would recognize..?
in 3,000,000 years will there be human beings
we would see as ourselvez...?
in 250million years would the planet
look anything like it could support "us"...?
the thing is
we live as though
life will go on forever
while at the same time denying
any notion of our personal immortality
or infinitude...
when it seems that life will go on
evolving beyond us
for only as long as the physical universe lasts
?
ive heard it said that there's
an ancient Chinese curse:
"...may you live in interesting times..."
we live in interesting times
i think all would agree:
earthquakes, tidal wavez,
blizzardz, tornadoes,
hurricanes, landslides,
forest fires, volcanic eruptions
"wars & rumors of war..."
just in the past 12 months
2005 will be remembered
as the year of natural disasters?
i think if the craters of the moon
tell us anything
its only a matter of time
of which the universe has plenty
before the the earth will collide
with something big
imagine
if people spread to the moon & mars
& something wacked the earth
there would still be life like us
& all our favorite lifeforms
dogz, cats, & wheatgrass
to carry on
just think
?

the fall of ronald macdonald

so friday afternoon
i'm set up on the venice boardwalk
across from the sidewalk cafe
selling prints of my paintings

they're shooting
a ronald macdonald commercial
on the grassy hill 30 yards behind me
ronald is all dressed up
playing with the kiddies
goofing for the camera
to sell more burgers to the world

he slipped on the grass
in his big red clown shoes
& falls down
goes boom
they had to call the paramedics...

why is this such a ripe little nugget
a human being in a clown suit
representing a multinational corporation
we have all grown up with
falls down & hurts themselves

the fall of an icon...

& somehow this seems
like smuggness, snickers,
& just desserts...

like getting back at the man
the big guy
the secret oppressor
the purveyor of the worst
of america & big business
& the cause of an obese america

the gaudy lipstick & bad perfume
left on your cheek
from that relative
you didnt want to even stand next to you...

& why is there sugar & or cornsyrup
in nearly all processed food
even when it doesnt need to be any more sweet

like fruit or juice?

a whole lot of somebodyz
put that there for a reason
could it have anything to do with
creating & purpetuating
food addiction...?

ronald the myth of what..?

what does this clown really stand for?

and what does that have to do
with cow eating prairy

or feed corn
in a feedlot
by the side of the interstate...
by the millions
of tons
of cow
pressed through meat grinder
to make big mac
?

clown?
cow?

the sad part of ronalds story
is that all they have to do
is call back to the clown factory:

"hey send out another one of them there
ronald macdonald clown clones wouldya...?"

it just occured.... to him

so

you're

looking

up

into

a clear

blue

sky

the seagull

whiteness

flashes

low

overhead

wings spread

still

hanging

on the molecules

of air

forced

to

lift

a flapping

then

higher...

the ground bound

creatures

chasing

after

in ancient envy

in near reflex...

like the toddler chasing pigeon

as if to say

you can fly

but i can still eat you

when i catch you . .

?

poetry submission

". . enlightenment. . ?"

if

forgetting

just for fun

we are each already secretly divine

children playing enlightenment

lightning squeezing star kness

up into deep blue sky. .

so drowning within the infinite

almighty conscious love

giggling joy

the all knowingness of being,

that we can afford to explore

ignorance..

light trickling bleeding

pretending

to die..

ice dripping from the frozen finger

of a tree misting one moment before dawn...

still
she kisses even half awake like time

leaving her smell

that of every woman who has ever loved...

10.12.05 venice beach

...somewhere

water

kills

somewhere

water savez

cleanses

quenches

inspires

reflectz

there is but one water

in the universe...

going nowhere

but the infinite...

while the child struggles to grow

into a great remembrance

of divine purposes

one drop

one torrent

one misted breath water globule floating in air

at a time..

the course of history

winding thru the short corridorz of human memory

exists

only as long as there are people

?

progress on artshow.tv

today i attended the 2nd of three orientation meetings
to become qualified to produce programing
for public access television here in los angeles
in other words i'm now closer
to fulfilling a long held vision of
producing artshow.tv

last year this time
had a brainstorm
to create a virtual artshow
called artshow.tv

back in the early 90's
had the idea of broadcasting
a tv show of
painting canvas in public

soon these ideas will be manifesting
in 21st century l.a.

stay tooned

feels good

hey
moved into my old place here in venice beach today
painting on the boardwalk
love & light
d

completing the spiral

passed thru santa cruz the day before yesterday
put the $37 worth of gas in the ole vw
gave me 200 miles worth of gas
with 300 miles to get to l.a.
so i pulled over in big sur for the afternoon
painted a painting

busted out the prints
& put out a sign :
art for gas$
worked

arrived in venice beach today
completing the spiral begun in june
& so the adventure continues

moonlite on the pacific, big sur

quik catch up

burning man was of course full on
then so suddenly
over
& an angel gifted me a free stay
at harbin hotsprings, in middletown , ca to rehydrate
so ive been floating in warm healing waters all week
getting ready for whatever is to come next
meanwhile
my sister chris just took a nursing contract
in sacramento, ca for the next 14 weeks
so i stopped in on the way to the coast
& south to venice by way of big sur
& santa barbara...

today we're going in to san fran to sight see

may stop in at the peace rally in golden gate park ...

then south for me..

more later

ahhhh...

made it

across the great basin we like to call

the everything west of the missip... whatever

as you can see by now spelling is not one of my hobbiez

neither is punctuation,

or capitalization

[is this a metaphor for something greater?

could this explain his financial challenge?/?]

anyway

im here at lake tahoe getting wet

before going out to the black rock desert

for burningman next week

did someone say bath

i found the nude beach here...

excellent

like to check out some hotsprings too

& maybe stop at pyrimid lake on the way...

friday i will be 48

happy birthday to anyone else who shares that day

personally i like to celebrate a long birthday period

so by the powers vested in me as the would be birthday boy

it

officially starts right now goes to whenever...

"..birthday is a state of mind..."

passing

tonite im on the edge of the great salt lake

caught a beautiful double rainbow

at sunset in a lightning storm

in western nebraska

drove the 400 miles across wyoming today
trimmed the beard for the full moon in aquarius

& shot 4 videos will be posting these on the vlog shortly
driving across nevada tomorrow

intuition

so i spend the night in a rest area in eastern pa. in the morning its raining

i jump in the front seat & start her up.. the radio isnt working ..again...

so i fiddle with it while the engines warming up..

.i get alil' frustrated with the thing cause

even though ive tried to toubleshoot the problem

it still just works whenever the heck it wants ..

so i jiggle the wires a bit which blows a fuse

so the windshield wipers dont work

so now i drive down the road while feeling around behind me in the little drawer for that box of fuses i know i recently bought

but no

it wont be easily found

so i have to pull over & look

no luck so i pull off at the very next exit

cause its rainin' & i might need those wipers

& there just happens to be a sign at the super 8 motel across from the truckstop

advertizing a wifi connection...

turns out the fuses i have are all the ones except the one 25amp fuse i need..

.somewhere in here i realize

that last night at the moment i drove out of new york city

mercury went direct after moving retrograde for the past 3 weeks

from about 20 degrees leo backwards to 9 degrees leo..

where it now stands conjucting my natal uranus in my 7 th house...

the planet of communications & short journeys

inspring & inspired by the planet of radical changes & electicity& intuiton/communion with divine mind

in leo the sign of play creativity romance children & self realization ..

in my 7 th house of intimacy /partnership /marriage/ & public relations...

so i go into the store to see if they have the 25amp fuse

& there is this drop dead gorgeous blond young woman

who must get this reaction alot

especially working in a truckstop

who has serious armour up

"like yeah im know im beautiful but get over it"

understandable but dang what a sight for sore eyes...

i get the fuse

& the attitude adjusts itself...

pop the fuse in.. viola.. have wipers...

so then i bust out the laptop to squeeze some juice out of the wifi connection from across the street.. & it wont work just yet

so i start her up & drive a little close to the building & try again to no avail ..

go to start her up again & it wont..

.i mean the engine turns but it aint happening...

oh no..

now im stuck in the middle of eastern penn.

in the rain

with expired triple aaa

with something seriously wrong with my unit/home /mobile art warehouse

[ remember..about 1000 canvas under one roof..how/where does he sleep in there? what, there's a little room on the side..]

& me with a country to cross & not alot of bread

so the whiny waaa me doesnt want to deal ..

wants the whole thing to just magically work..

i mean it was working just a minute ago..

i try the key a couple more times just in case

but then realize

i might need that juice

i.e. dont wear down the battery..

i could push start it to see..

[but i dont know if you've ever had the pleasure of witnessing someone try to push start a fully loaded vw bus on flat ground but lets just say it aint pritty ....maybe comical in a detached kinda way but if your the one doin the pushing its just down right embarassin' especially in front of a stunningly beautiful women... ]

..why now why me ...

feeling once again like a potatoe bug on its back[those little armadillo things that ball up]...

i literally try to answer this question ..

like whats the universe trying to teach me

or show me or remind me of

..why am i here..

i start to get real critical

of my life choices that have led me to this place

& i mean look at the mess that is the state of my life reflected in the mess in the back of the bus..

& then

i find myself in this daydream about the beautiful girl

who i bet the red detroit sports car

parked employee style infront of me next to the building must be hers..

i daydream/concider

maybe the reason i was brought here was to meet her

i see this scene where traveler meets small town girl

when his car breaks down at the truckstop she works at

& the hollywood side is she at first is all aloof

[the ancient me was always unconsciously attracted to these aloof women..

good thing i'm cured]

isn't interested in him at all

but when she sees him pushing his vw bus up & down the parking lot

i dont know something melted

..the glacier became a torrential river flowing at long last towards this querky stranger with the funky hair& odd choice in automobile...

but just then the pissed at my self part of me says

hey thats not it man

if she where the one

i'd want to come to her in strength not in neediness to be rescued

& i realized i'd rather have the freedom

of my working car

more than a broke down car holding me

in the world of a beautiful woman

[something about ulyses the clever inventor of the trojan horse that ended the trojan war taking 20 years to get back home to greece cus his ship got broke thru his dawdling & his crew got turned to beasts & this beautiful woman/sorceress took him in , "bewitched" him[?] & boingked his brains out for a good 7 to 10 years ? the soggyness of this kind of relationship never did really set right with me] ...

anyway back in the real world..

i get out there & open up the back of the bus shoving all the stufff foward

[clothes & rolls of canvasses]

to get at the engine compartment...

every thing looks connected ..

i remember a mechanic saying

" a car is a simple thing : if you have spark, and you have air and gas it should work..."

so i reason after cleaning & scraping the connections on the cap & rotor of the distributor

ive got spark cause it turns over ...

im guessing ive got air after checking to make sure the air hoses are all connected...

but here the intuition says

it sounds like your not getting gas ...

now the fuel filter

& pump

are underneath

the middle of the bus on the passengers side

did i mention the rain...

& i just found& fixed a leak

in the fuel line coming from the fuel pump towards the engine last week ...

but i dont know what your experience has been

but changing anything in that fuel line under there

its really hard not to get

basically

a gas bath

all down your arms

in your hair & face

& did i mention the cold

wet ground from the rain

this mornin' waaaaaaaaaa...

but my intuition says check it

so i change shirts

cuz

dont want to trash my nice 65% hemp/

one of a kind

tshirt sample i made

with the flower of life over the earth design

getting down & dirty..

..so i roll out a peice of canvas i use as a drop cloth & climbdown under ..

checking the old leak the fuel lines fine ...

now i know i last month change out the fuel filter

which is between the gastank

& the electronic fuel pump

so the filter shouldnt be the problem

but i can feel its kinda light

not much gas in it

which would be the case

if the elctronic fuel pump wasnt working to draw gas thru it...

im thinking

hummmmmmm???

the pump

it should werrrrr when you turn the key not all the way on..

but it would take somebody to turn the key & somebody to listen for the werrrrr..

i dont want to draw a lot of attention just yet ...

& just incase im wrong

& maybe its something more basicly mechanical like

i didnt have enough oil in it i check it

& its down about a quart

i go back into the store

& theres the beautiful lady again with the addittude' in place

which makes me wonder if she's just resisting the obvious mutual attraction...

or maybe she's married...

or...

anyway i put a quart of 20/50

on the counter

& dead pan as she can she says

"will that be all"

& i say

" auto parts store?"

she starts to explain directions

& i'm seeing myself having to peddle my bike

up onto the interstate

to the next exit

in the rain

5 miles to the auto parts store

& back

to face the counter guy saying:

"...electronic fuel pump for a 1980 vw bus??...

we dont have that in stock...

but

we can get it here tomorrow

or whenever

oh wait a minute

thats a vw

?

we'll have to special order that

from the butt crack of the autopartz godz in succession

..that 'll be 2 to 300 dollars plus shipping..

cuz they dont make those anymore

or

you can try the junkyard ..?

wheres that oh down the road around the corner up your own butt crack who knowz.."

etc...

i pay for the oil

dropping the entire contents of my pocket on the counter in front of the beautiful girl

[& the suddenly growing line of truckstop patrons behind me]

which

as luck would have it

is the exact amount$ 2.50 neccessary to complete this purchase

plus the blown blue fuse & couple of old gas receipts ...

put it in try it one more time that aint it...

my intuition very calmly & matter of factly says

if it's the pump that's stuck or clogged

you can sometimes wack it around a bit

i seem to remember hearing a mechanic say to me

"yeah, just wack it around a bit with a hammer & it'll sometimes start right up..."

so i look at the pump

& there are definitely wacking marks from past wacking sessions

thus confirming the validity of my vague recollections

as a man grasping for lite

stuck somewhat safely on the side of the road in eastern pa

....i mean it could be worse..right?

i could be out on the interstate

with semiz wizzing past

...in the rain...

dark...

ok

so i dig out the hammer from the back of the bus

& try with the wacking thing

& it still doesn't

work

but something says

" if you seperate the fuel line where it comes out of fuel pump

there should be gas pumping out when you then turn the key..."

so i climb back under there

& gently unscrew the clamp

that holds the fuel line on the long nipple of the fuel pump end aimed towardz the engine..

this is where the risk of a gas bath comes in...

but there's gas in the line that can flow back from the engine

but none coming from the fuel pump..

i stow the line facing up so it wont drain out all over the ground

& me

..get the plastic lemon juice bottle i cut the top off to use as awide mouth piss jar

& place it over the exit nipple of the fuel pump

& then go turn the key

just a quik short burst..

go back & check the piss bottle

and theres no gas in it...

viola ...

the good news is

i found the problem...

clogged fuel pump ...

the bad news is

i found the problem:

a clogged possibly broken fuel pump

or

it could be when i jiggle the radio

[ remember the radio way back at the beginning ..seems so long ago now]

& blew that fuse

that may have been connected to the electronic fuel pump ...

I i could have just fried something there..

.but no it was working fine to get me here

& it worked fine when i replaced the fuse...

it's toast

it's the fuel pump & it's toast

so i start to unscrew the clamp on the fuel line

that connects the other end of the pump to the fuel filter

to take it out & stare at it

i mean i could see myself climbing out from under

with the thing in my hand

whereupon i would proceed to stare at it

& ponderously explore more options ..

when all of a sudden

my intuition said calmly & oh so simply as ever...

".. stop

put that clamp back on ...

wacking

..try wacking ...

if you wack it now it might work..."

nothin' to lose..

so with my hammer

& a liberal wacking regime

climbed back up

& tried the key 2 short bursts...

climb back under & ..

viola ..

the piss jar

had an inch of gas in it...

..yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

i put the fueline back together

turn the key

& vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

rrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmm

clunk clunk

clunkvvvrummmmmmmmmmmmm

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

peddle to the metal

down the road i reflect

on

what did i learn

or

"& the moral of the story is:..."

you know that part of the self

that just wants to say hey look i fixed it

i

...fixed it...

?

is probably the part that had the most to do with

constructing the conditions that needed fixing to begin with...

if anyone ever actually fixes anything

[or is it just the universe unfolding

before the wide eyes of the infinite children of the light]

i could easily see here

that it was intuition, experience, instinct, & wisdom

& the willingness to listen & then actually physically follow thru on what these aspects of the infinite are telling one/us/me that leads one ooooout of that helpless place

into the feelings of graditude, empowerment, & confidence

even reverence...

true confidence isnt so much

derived from what i can do thru personal accomplishment

but rather confidence

like harmony

is our natural state

that which arises when one realizes

in truth

lay the absence of fear:

the fear that i will or can somehow be in ultimate peril

or seperate from the eternal ...

yet

when i remain in the mind

that the highest expressions of this self

are always within &

infinitely accessible

never leaving me alone on the side of the road even if i need to think so

then i'm home

wherever i happen to be...

?

west

new york city: sittin here on the westside highway as close as i can to an apartment building to catch a wifi connection..got the engine running to power the inverter to give that righteous juice unto this laptop so that i may compose the worthy missive for who cares.. as i look up i can see the lites on the george washington bridge beside the fading dusklite ...looks like traffic is moving again west
as will i be in a moment..

.yes after a year of having a camera i finally picked up a tripod today

steadier fotoz in my future..perhaps a metaphor worth extending to the rest of the journey...
shot some videos while in the city posted them on the vlog playground
thequalty of the time square one quite frankly... sucks... for lack of a better word
ill try to fix this down the road
speakin' of which...

mind fart ?

"...in the past few months
i have met those aspect of this self
the scriptures, traditions, mystics, & sage have variously referred to as
"the thief", " the liar", " the monkey swinging thru the forest of the mind"
that modern psychology calls " the ego"
& the founder of christian science, mary baker eddy called "mortal mind"
as opposed to "divine mind"
"the mind of god"
"the higher self "
"the truest self"
or "the Self"...
the ancestors appear to have made coded references to
"the thief"
because it [ the ego ] is that aspect of the self/ conscious mind
that steals the peace of mind of any & every moment possible
by thinking of something other than the truth & joy of the moment
thru distractions like worry & fear...

"the liar"
because it [ the ego] uses illusion to convince the self
that ultimate reality isn't
in order to create & maintain the illusion of a person,
a soul being separate from divinity: ones true nature
it does this thru distractions like doubt...

" the monkey swinging thru the forest of the mind"
a paraphrase from the work of taoist master lao tzu
the monkey is the conscious mind unable/ unwilling to maintain a stillness
quiet
within which it becomes possible for anyone to ultimately realize

the true nature of things
instead the monkey [the ego] leaps about the walls of the mind without pause
from thoughtform to thoughtform to thoughtform
rather than peace...

i have witnessed my self being
the false prophet
& the half-made sage
pretending to know more than i do which is ultimately not much if anything
for who is the one who knows
the universe it seems knows everything & as children of the divine we must be everything as well
so why would we need to "know" really
which all sounds pretty sage like 'til you're stuck on the side of the road trying to fix your car
or your girlfriend dumps you without a word...
so i've seen myself
watched myself, witnessed myself
& it occurred to me that
everyone might be experiencing this same thing yet thinking we're each unique
watched this ego at work & play
& realize even this awareness is a ploy by the ego to avoid death/oblivion
by embracing the spiritual path
bargaining with the infinite for some way to survive the inevitable end: finitude
becoming what david hawkins refers to as
"the spiritualized ego"
the immutable self remains un phased, un convinced, & out of reach of falsehood & illusion
yet ever present, ever loving , ever supporting
yet elusive
?

- 8.14.2005 brooklyn, new york

movingz

arrived in new york yesterday

after a tossing a kennedy halfdollar into the wednesdaynite late sky of cape cod

should i stay another day on the cape or drive down the road to nyc

& it came up heads: drive down the road

down to his last five bucks in cash at current gas prices

& faced with just the entire the continent of north america to cross over the next month

basically with their conscious assistance & full knowledge

our hero robbed his own piggy bank

thank goodness for the modern convenience of overdraft protection...

"..for he'd found himself to be one of "those people"...you know ...them...

the ones in the coffehouse emersed in their computer & nursing a buck 40 cup a tea all day

paid for in nickles dimes & pennyz when pressed...

'can i get a refill of hotwater ..doya mind ..oh thanks again...'

'til they shoe him out at the end of their nite where upon he sits across the street

sapping the wifi to get that last thing done..

& check that email one more time before logging off.. "

a choice between tea/wifi in a kind spot or buying solid food...

you know those kind of folks ..pass them every day...creating their internet empires..

lost in the virtual universe of their own design...

driving down interstate 95 from new england to new york

had an interesting moment

this sedan with rhode island tags & two young men inside that had passed me a while back with approving hardy thumbzup signs

which one could safely assume were in response to the paint job on the bus

anyway i'm driving along in my bubble of thotz

on the cross bronx expressway

when these same folks slow down pull close to me & the mustashed brother in the passengers seat leanz way out the

window & yells real carefully in a rhode island working mans accent:

"..how ...do ...get... to ...i..o..w..a..?"

thot for a quik second as it dawned on me he was asking for directions

& yelled back

"..80...interstate 80..."

& then the traffic swollowed them up...

still

so for who wonders

im still kickin it here in woods hole using up the wifi connection of this coffee house
the weathers been sweet as have been the vibes
should be driving west any minute
tying up some loose ends with this new blog thing on the site

hey here's a picture

94 old meetinghouse rd.

east falmouth, ma 02536

i took this driving by a few weeks ago of the house i grew up in while hanging out the side of my friend steves' old beater on the way to go sailing on his boat "arabgirl" out of greenpond harbor [see video "vineyard sound" ]..looks like someone put alot of work into it ..didnt look so spiffy back in the day...we lost it thru forclosure the year after i graduated from college, fall 1980... its like seeing an old lover you never stopped loving completely but can never go back to be with again ..accept in dreamz... & for years i'd have dreams just like that..

i'd go back to the house to find other owners living there...i mean they paid the people who took it from us their money... but i couldn't go in side but for maybe a peek.. hard dreamz..lots of regrets & belonging issues.. & money issues..lack mostly...its such a contrast from the picture because the folks are doing well it seems ..& in the dreams they renovated it plenty...
thought i'd share some roots... so heres where i called home for the first 22 years of my life..
it's now a museum peice on the avenue of the back lot of my dreamz...isn't it funny how a place makes a person who they are inside...? & no matter how far away we travel, its always in here
informing the journey..
i like to think sometimez when im driving cross country.. that if we'd managed to "save the house" [as we put it back then, we being my mom & younger brother, & periferally my older sister ], that by now we would have sold it for a place with more acreage closer to the beach... cowabuga

did someone say beach

this is what's at the other end of the 2 miles of mostly strait road to the beach .. see that light at the end of the tunnel of trees ...its at this point you could begin to smell it ...you would take a left, go a couple hundred yards & you're "at the beach..."

...you know it wasn't til about 3 or 4 years ago that i went strait ahead thru the last overhanging trees all the way to the water