no i mean really crazy people...spiritual technology ?

so yesterday
i was sitting in my bus
parked by the beach
snacking
when this african american man
who was acting crazy
wandered by
this being Venice Beach
where there is no shortage
of mentally challenged souls
struggling to keep a grip
on the world the sane people
take as a given...

& i have seen and interacted with
my share over the years
but there was something
in this moment
that made me think

of 2000 years ago
in Palestine
how this person would have been described
as having an unclean spirit...

there were teachers and healers
who wandered the land
who were very sought after
and respected for their ability
and skill in healing and dealing with

these kinds of people

for being able to caste out
of a person
an unclean spirit
and help return that person
to sanity...

because in the life of a village community
one such crazy person
could really have a huge effect
on the peace of the place
and the presence of such a crazy person
in the community could so easily be seen
as a poor reflection on
the welfare of the whole community

this was of course
before we had
any cops to call
& any loony bins
to send people to
for someone else to deal with

one of these groups of healers
where an order within
the ultra conservative Hebrew sect
known as the Essenes associated
with the Qumran Community
on the Northwestern corner
of the Dead Sea
just up the trail from
the ancient city of Jericho

these healers who wore
long white flowing robes
and wandered the land
ministering to the sick
and the lame
and the poor in spirit
were known as
the Theraputae...

their specialty was
casting out unclean spirits
and all forms of dis-ease
because the absolute truth
they were working from
enable them to speak with authority
in the name of god with a capital g

their approach was to see a
person as a soul
a divinely perfect aspect of god
the creator

the soul was inhabiting a physical body
a body as a soul-bearer
each soul
a divine spark of consciousness

("...the lord god of hosts..." ?
is the body the host or
is the soul the host?
if the soul is the host
then what or who is the soul hosting ?)

the idea was
1. to be direct
to speak directly to what might be
afflicting the (Host?) soul

2. to remind the afflicted
of the absolute truth
of their ultimate existence
in the realm of god.
"the truth will set you free"?

3. to speak with divine authority
because as children of the light
we all have permission to do so...

to be grounded in this truth
and act from this place of groundedness...
imagine being so sure of the reality
of your relationship
with the creator...that you could speak with authority
or "THE WORD"
?
THE DIVINE VIBRATION

after years of time spent
in the wilderness
of the soul
facing the nature of ones own
being as a human
and divine spark
overcoming
and dispelling the illusions
of ones own "demons"
and undergoing all manner
of initiations to trigger
what can be triggered
and humble what there is
of one to be humbled
one would undergo
the teaching of The Way
undertaking to be a living example
of the truth as you wander the land
directed by spirit
to minister to the hungry in spirit...
?

because their approach
was working with
the spiritual reality
first and foremost
they had a measure of success
in dealing with
crazy people
or
maybe they were the only ones
willing to give it a try...
and not be satisfied with
just letting crazy people
just be crazy...

so when people in a town afflicted with
a person with an unclean spirit
saw a Man of God or a seeker of The Way
come walking up the road
they might have felt some cause for hope
that if only for a little while
there was somebody around
to deal with the old crazy lady
or weird uncle Festus...

what we know of these healers methods
is written in the 4 gospels
of the New Testament
Mathew, Mark, Luke, & John
where arguably at least 60 percent
of these writings are tales of healings
to the point where Mary Baker Eddy,
the founder of the Christian Science Church
based on her book
SCIENCE AND HEALTH
WITH KEY TO THE SCRIPTURE ,,
referred to the gospels as a treatise
in spiritual healing...

there is a really interesting story
in there about how a man had 7
spirits taken out of him
and when he went back
to his clean house
how he invited more
that were worse than the ones before

which brings us to permission
it would seem from observation
and studying the literature
of several traditions on the subject
that most of these nutcase situations
involve a measure of permission
on the part of the inflicted
to allow either a healing to take place
or for the disharmonious conditions
and aspects to enter in...

also the medical intuitive
Caroline Myss's
book and lectures
on Why People Don't Heal
comes to mind...

so i'm sitting there thinking of all this
munching on my jar of olives
from the 99cent store
and i see the crazy man
walking up the other side of the street
being crazy...
and virtually invisible in our landscape
but
ever counted by the universe
who seems to use
everyone
conscious or unconscious
for the greater purpose
the great work
of our mutual
reawakening
our collective
spiritual evolution...

and the spirit
of this brother
ever so nonchalantly insane
a model of an african american man
who has probably lost his mind
somewhere on the path
has inspired me
and you
to think
deeper
of the world
and the universe we now live in

what go on here ?

a child who
he's parents celebrated
on the day of his birth
now wanders the streets
of the great city
lost
in illusion

sound familiar?

a matter of degrees

"...for the grace of god
there go i..."
?

prayer is spiritual technology...
?

cotton candy...?

recently

it's felt like
my life
is just so much
cotton candy

i seem to keep being
presented with all these
great opportunities
or
what would be great opportunities
if they actually manifested

but not far into the tunnel of illusion
and "gee whizz...wouldnt it be cool if..."
they go poof...

they looks great from a distance
but when you bite into them
there's nothing there
but
air
and pretty colored sugar
which may be fine at first
but then
it's just a mouthful of sugar
and then a belly full of sugar
and you're like
yuk...

so then the question comes
what the heck was that all about
why invite me to the ball
get me all dressed up for the ball
only to have me show up at the ball
and there be no ball...
?

at some point
the idea that i'm "just being tested "
wears thin
danged thin
and then
what?
what? what ?
what ? what ? what ?
what what what what?
etc.
and
the question becomes
what is the point of all this again...?

thanks for listening...

water is conscious...? "...water is life..." ?

watched this DVD called "Water"
which explores recent research
that water has memory...

water can be programed
the program it is carrying
is revealed in its crystalline structure..

it remembers
everything
it comes in contact with

the electromagnetic pulses
of the human heart
are enough

our conscious
or unconscious thoughts
& intention
are enough

to influence
the molecular structure
of water....................................!

for me
the implications are
our goal ought to be:
to create
a more loving world
for all life...

they did this experiment where they filled
two clear glass beakers
with sludge, a "waste" product from oil drilling
that is a solution of thick oil and water
they set a device against one of the beakers
that emitted subtle electromagnetic energy
about the same as that emitted by the human heart
& within 7 days the water
had completely separated out
from the oil in the test sample...

that night after watching this DVD
i dreamed deep
and was very conscious in my sleep
this notion emerged that
perhaps it is the water in our brains
that holds our memories

given that each of us are over two thirds water

perhaps it is through this water
& its connection to all water
which holds the memory of the history of the planet
the solar system, and the cosmos
that we access
the akashic record
the entire history, herstory,
our story of the universe
past, present, and future...?

the phrase "water is life"
played around in my mind in my sleep
as i felt this connectedness to all water
through my thoughts & the ideas
that perhaps the water was giving to me ?

it is our destiny
& homework
to practice being
more conscious...?

we have had the opportunity
to practice unconsciousness
as a society
& have found out the hard way
where that leads time and time again...?

pollution of the water is a function
of this unconsciousness
an outward expression
of unlovingness...
an ignorance
of the basic truth of our existence:
that we are all connected
everything is connected
& effected
by everything else...?

the reason we pollute
physically & psychically
is fear...? greed is fear? anger is fear?
the crystalline structure of water
that has absorbed fear is dire, drastic,
chaotic...even disturbing to look at...
yet how much time in our day are we
motivated by fear, doubt, anger,
or carelessness...the desire not to care...

afraid of being held responsible for our actions
afraid of having to be conscious
of having to awaken...?

bringing oneself to a conscious awareness
of love, gratitude,
&/or the divine
the ever presence
the holy spirit
the spirit of holiness
structures the water
of which we are made
into beautiful fluid
crystalline sacred geometric harmonies...

it occurred to me
that global harmony can be achieved
as we make this awareness a
personal priority...
the difference one person can make

it is the souls mission
to choose consciousness
over ignorance...?

programing and thus structuring
our water & our bodies
with the highest resonance
impacts the rest of our world
lastingly...?

whatzup with that couple thing...?

Earth
can be a very lonely place...

it can almost seem like exile sometimes
from a more loving connected place...

& just when you're feeling
the full weight of this
you are graced
with seeing couples
everywhere
being affectionate
& loving
with one another...

as if the universe
somehow wants
to drive home
the point
of what you're missing...

& why are you missing it?

but that the universe
& you
decided
way back
that it would be exactly
the perfect thing
at this moment
for you to feel
alone...

according to the master plan
this will of course trigger some
grand unfolding of realization,
some great awakening...
some crucial sequence of events
the future of the cosmos has been depending on
since the dawn of time...

or

just another night
on the planet

listening
to the distant waves
crash...

in the middle of the road...

so
late the other night
parked on a quiet street
i was sitting in my vw bus
eating some fruit
spacing out
spacing in
i looked up the street
about half a block
saw this amorphous blob
that i hadn't noticed
moments before...

from where i sat i could see for 3 blocks
to the changing traffic light
reflecting it's color
off the angle of the pavement

i first thought it was a jacket
some skateboarder or bike-rider
may have dropped

suddenly the blob moved

it was a cat
thrusting it's snout at the ground
while rolling over on it's back
in that cute move we've all seen them do
it's feet up at the sky
lolling on the pavement
in the middle of the road
as if it were on the living room carpet
rolling over first on one side
then rolling back over to the other
trying to find that right comfy posture...

you could hear the ocean waves
crashing in the distance...

the occasional city bus
passing on the cross street

even see the headlights of a car
waiting at the traffic light 2 blocks away
but no cars coming up this street...


the silence
the quiet of the city was precious
& precise...

all the sleeping people
spinning their dreams
into the universe of a night on earth...

the cat
was black
& in
no hurry
or worry...

what are we to make of this...

Destiny calling...

guess one could say that yes

i made love with Destiny
one night in a rain, thunder, & lightning storm
in rainbow hot springs
after the gathering
in Colorado
until they kicked us out
at closing time...

she calls
out of the blue
every once in a while
usually from somewhere in the southwest
sounding
half crazy
because she is
bipolar certified...

babbling through half the conversation
about connections & synchronicityz
only she sees

she had us married more than a few times
seeing me out there in her universe
right there with her
until i remind her i wasn't really there

as she moves through her landscape
of tolerant friends & family
her 7 children all grown now...
no doubt trying to live their own lives
her dream of musical stardom still burning
or some kind of fame...
to match her delusions of grandeur...
her desire to have a positive impact
on the future of the world...

once a long time ago
there was a beautiful young woman
walking through the desert
with a big wolf-like alpha dog
in that stark light of late morning
i asked her
her name

she said, "...Destiny..."
i fell over backwards in the dust
laughing at the irony
turns out the dogs name was
"...Mystery..."

a girl named Destiny
& a dog named Mystery
she disappeared that day...

but here it is
when she calls
how do you just hang up
on Destiny
there may always be
something to learn...

?

ok.....life of the artist...

so after writing 'til 5am
i get to sleep
& get woken up by my old friend Bob
knocking on the door at 11:30 am
to say i'm gonna get a ticket
so i'm up
out the door
down the ally
turn the corner
& running up the street
in time to watch
the donut patrol
place
ever so casually
under my windshield wiper
my second street cleaning parking ticket this week
...good morning...
that will be $50...
would you like fries with that...?

the first ticket was when
i did a live painting performance
at an art party in downtown LA last week
& at the same time
had my bike with the bike rack still attached
& locked to it
ripped off
stolen from off the front of the car...

the good thing is my beautiful yellow bus
looks better without that pesky bike rack on the front
the thief was kind enough to leave his own broken bike
with the seat & handle bars still warm
laying on the sidewalk next to the bus...
after all what would he do with 2 bikes
must not be too greedy...
(i used it to ride around looking for the bike rack
& left it back on the sidewalk....so if you need one
it's on the corner of Broadway & hurrmppfff )

& then find out from the woman
i'd loaned my other bike to
& asked for it back 4 months ago
that it had been stolen 3 months ago...

this was the bike that was on the front of the bus
coming back in the dark
from Burning Man last year on the 395
when i hit the deer
that was knocked into my lane
by the oncoming fresh-off-the-lot white pickup truck...
i had to drag her broken deer body still warm
out of the road so no one else would hit her...
the wheels of the bike were bent & wobbly
marked with deer medicine:
gentleness...

this all comes in the context of
the events of last month
when after having lived on the block
for over 10 years
out of the blue
i go out the day before street cleaning
to move the bus
& it's gone
i rode around on my bike looking for it
thinking i must have somehow forgot where i put it
i even chided myself for being so absorb in the work
that i forgot where i put my car
i finally accept the fact that it's gone
along with the suitcase of one of a kind manuscripts
& call to report it stolen...
find out they towed it from the middle of the block
for being parked in the same spot
for longer than 72 hours...
because one of my neighbors
a really nice Scottish tenor/math tutor
with a pomegranate tree in his yard
he planted 25 years ago from seed
had been complaining of
boardwalk vendors parking storage vehicles on the street

i try not to drive much
& use my bike...used my bike to get around...

$300 to the LAPD
to get back my bus...
so i can put up the artwork the next day
at AGAPE Spiritual Center
for their next 3 month artshow...

so today i wait 'til noon in a
"hey we'll leave you alone after noon on Monday" space

at 6 minutes 'til noon
the parking enforcement rolls by again
& keeps on rolling as i'm sitting in the drivers seat...

then i stroll to the boardwalk
to kinda see if there might be a space for me to set up
not that i feel like working out there any more
it has not been working on many levels for months...
after a while i had to ask what's the best use of my time
all the signs are pointing at some sort of graduation...

gotta move out in two weeks
& need to finish writing the autobiography
that i've been working on since Christmas
& as of this morning i'm finally up to the summer of '06
just a year & a half left to write about...

now i've kind of gotten my self in a pickle
it's just been confirmed that the boardwalk
as we've all come to know it
will be ending on may 10th
as it goes through yet another
in a long series of convulsions
of being screwed up
by the people that work in offices
that have no idea what makes the boardwalk work
but think they do
& have the power to work their will
& make others deal with their view of reality...
until the next convulsion...
this time it's a federal judge
who loves performers
& has given 200 spaces on the boardwalk to performance
when there are 20 performers
& 103 spaces to every one else
& there are several hundred of those depending on the season...
everything in the performance spaces must be by donation only
threat of $500 tickets for violation
(except books, CD's , & DVD's of & by the performer
so maybe if i could afford an inventory
of the 7 books i've published since Sept.
i could then make out)

so if someone comes up & wants to take your work for nothing
the judge is saying you have to give it to them...
can you say l a w s u i t...?

so
end of that income
not that it has been working
but no new income coming...
no new doors opening
to take care of the immediate concerns
& owing a serious chunk of change,
more than i ever have,
& two parking tickets
& new registration
& Hawaii drivers license renewal
have to move out on may 1st...
where to store all the paintings
bus needs a new battery & a tune up
& where am i going?
& with what...?

in an effort to finish the book
i've gotten into this odd time cycle
by writing all night 'til 5am
then trying to get 6-8 hours
then jumping back into it as soon as i wake up...
so i've been writing 12 to 15 hours a day
for the better part of the past 2 weeks...
before that i was writing from
when i came in from the boardwalk 5- 7pm
until 3-5 am...for 3 months...

this is the context in which i wrote the words:
"the path with heart
the true path
is beyond
fear..."
?

over the weekend i noticed this line in my right hand
i had never seen before
this big strait-as -a -ruler line
from the nexus of lines at my lower palm to my pinky
i looked it up on the web
says the pinky is the Mercury finger
a line like that could mean issues to do with
health, commerce, &/or communications
business opportunities...
getting ones message out to the world...
i don't usually pay attentions to such things
but dang this line is like a big
"what the F*****K is that" thing
...am i gonna live doc am i gonna live...????

so i ask a friend who is a "hand analyst"
& she confirms what it says on the web...
& that the fact that it's happening
while i'm typing the book
is the key...

so then i read this thing she writes to me
about this being all for me to get the point
or the cherry of this process...
because as i get the point of this process
then i can best share it with the world...

& it suddenly occurs to me
that i may just be doing this whole thing for my self...
?????????
that had not occurred to me...
i was thinking i was creating something of benefit
to others
but that could be a conceit...

as i came back to my room the gentle man
across the hall
apologized to me...
i had to ask for what...
& he said that he had had a relapse...
& i said at what...
he said he thought it had been hardest on me...
that he basically lock himself in his room
the past few weeks doing coke...
i said i had no idea..he was surprised i didn't notice...
not that i know this man but to say hello in the hall
he's an old rock /jazz drummer
he stays up late but then so do i...

& i thought what's the difference in a way
i have also been sequestering my self in a room
immersed in me & my life from beginning to end
top to bottom...reexamining the facts as i see them...
how odd i have been so consumed in the same way as this man
with my own little drama that i've put the world on hold
'til i'm done...recording my navel gazing...

it occurs to me how odd
what a weird coincidence
we're both responding to the same vibe
to use this time to focus
with focused blindness
our full attention on the chosen task...
ok so who influenced who...

i know the universe loves me
& is taking very good care of me
the reason i wrote that line about the true path
is that focusing on & executing the completion of this project
has been where the light is...

but then i suppose the coke addict
would say the same about getting & doing more coke...

even though i've described this process
to whomever would listen as
feeling like performing abdominal surgery on yourself
without benefit of anesthesia
your hands all up in there covered in you
as you reach around groping up in there
trying to put your bloody finger on it
grasp at it & finally & definitively grasp it
...bring it out into the light
for the world to see & take a good look at...
'til you get it all out...all of it...the heck out...
not done 'til you do...

i wrote to a friend that
"i am so far into this now
that the only way out
is through..."

but really i have felt in the moments
when i'm working on this
that i'm moving forward...
getting it done
& having it done is the yummy part
full of light...

make your own light ?

while everything else feels like it's
falling away
dark
yukky
or just
done...

interesting place to find oneself
wonder what comes next...

well here's another gem from the vault of davidismz
that may apply here:

"...the closer
we get
to the truth
the easier
it is
to kid
our
selves..."
?

the fact that i'm meeting the challenges
& resistance
at the end of the hall...the end of the project
may mean i'm closing in on the goal...

& deluding myself at the same time...

ahh the splendid paradox

what brilliance & genius loves to squish between the toes

ahh & here we come to it
my attachment
is
to recognition

of brilliance & genius...

i've been seeking this my whole life
through everything i've done

yet recently when i've heard people express
that recognition
i've missed it
i haven't entirely taken it in
in part because i feel i haven't yet arrived
because if i had surely
fame & fortune
wealth & prosperity
& financial independence
would follow...
& ease lest we not forget ease...

but as i go down that list
i feel in a way
i already have all that at this very moment
i am famous & fortunate
wealthy & prosperous
& financially independent
& living in the red...
not a clue where it comes from next
as usual
yet knowing
from experience
it comes from within
& the universe
would not leave me hanging
unless
there was some
good to it...

now if i was living in the black?
& had all my bases covered money wise
then ease
would be just multiplied
because i already feel like
i got the ease thing going on
any more laid back & i'll be laying on the ground
i would feel all confident & justified in my choices
instead of the netherworld & free fall
the queasiness & uneasiness
of unsure & insecure & self doubt
about how it all will work out
without an ouch somewhere in there...

as i look it appears i may be finding myself in retreat
while feeling like it's time to advance
but how to advance...?

oh then there's worry
the proof of the path is in it's fruits

"by their fruits ye shall know them"

i thought
if what i was doing was a good thing
it would be generating
light & wealth
not parking tickets, bills, & dead ends...

but the bottom line is
it feels so blessedly good to be letting die what needs to
right now...

worry is there & as worry will it is biting at my butt
but if there is one thing i know how to do
if there is one thing this life has taught me so far
it's how to live well
& worry too...

how to be a good worrier...(warrior? no worrier)

i got this one
step back
lemme at it...

recently i was told in an accusing way
that i was too self absorbed
this by someone i've known for 15 years
as one of the most self absorbed people
i've ever met
totally dedicated to her path
& consumed with her journey...

but in pondering the blessed accusation
examining it for merit
if one is to be the thing itself
the genuine article
how do you give your work your all
& not be self absorbed
how do you be the work...live the work
& not be...

from my experience
the path is not even about being loved
getting love or keeping love
but being love
enough
to complete the mission
no matter what

& the mission is life
the mission is to do what one is born to do

if that's being self absorbed
then that
would be me

life of the artist...

thank you

love
d

a thought from the field of the inner game...

"...the path with heart

the true path
is beyond
fear..."

?